Zomig

....my wonder drug for the day.
Have a few days til I can refill anything else - had one spray of Zomig left.. suffered with pain ALLL day, trying to get it to go away organically... nuthin doin.
After watching mom take so many drugs for so many years, I hate to admit I need and depend on any, but... i've been dealt this card, and relief like this didn't exist when I first started getting them.
I lost so many days of work, and school... no one seemed to understand what a "Migraine" was.... think they just saw me as weak and unable to deal with a 'little headache' or something.

whatever.

So.... Janelle fell off the dial last night, but apparently won round 2 today, so, Yea Janelle!
And JD is in the final 3 - as if there was any doubt!
He is soooo going to win.

I slept til freaking NOON today. Literally.
And getting up Then was a true struggle... only did because I had to go walk Casey, and let my own dogs out. Otherwise, I might have laid here all day.
I'm not sure what is going on with me.
I just have no energy, I'm tired, don't care to go out unless necessary....
I don't think I'm depressed though. I mean, I feel ok about life and stuff. I just like being home. And I like staying up late... always have. And it's been fucking HOT forever, and I just can't deal, so why shouldn't I stay in my cool dark cave all day???? Huh???

The only downside, frankly, to being so tired all the time, and dealing with these goddamned headaches so much, is my backlog of things to read and watch is Seriously a problem. My tivo is full up, I have stacks upon stacks of magazines and books I wanna read.. there are a Gajillion blogs and stuff I wanna read online....
Not to mention my house is a wreck and I need to keep it tidier. I need to hire a cleaning lady though. Never been fond of "cleaning". I Love making things look nice, and organizing, but the cleaning part, eh.
I can't have Fi seeing I live like a pig! Gotta get all those dust bunnies outta here!!!

Oh.. so in addition to reconnecting with Brini recently, and talking to Fi more and more and plus she's coming to visit... heard from Sunny today. An email out of the blue. She's been in my thoughts over these many months... haven't liked having that hanging out there, but... sometimes, space and time is needed in a relationship. And if you care about that person, when you hook back up, that 'void' shouldn't matter all that much. Not like you can do anything about it anyway.
Now if I could only figure out how to resolve the Lisa thing. THAT is seriously hanging over me.

However, what Is NOT hanging over me are my inlaws.
I don't miss them at all.
In fact, I think I saw K today.. he teaches in my town. Ugh. There was a new 'Wife Swap' on the other night, and this dad from Mass - I SWEAR he coulda been K's twin. M even thought so.
I can't, and won't, deal with him anymore.
I was ok with him before... was happy to have him at my wedding.. happy to have him as part of my family... happy that M was able to be around his brother at times..
but then, I *saw* the REAL person he is. And, that ain't for me. It's been 6 months since we spoke, and I think it's gonna be a lifetime before we ever do again. I'm clearly not his cup of tea - he made that VERY evident. And now, because of things that were said - nor is he mine. And I'm am Totally Fine with that.
Just as I'm totally fine with not ever talking to my dad's family again.
I thought of them the other day... thinking, gee, if I'm almost 40, then, a lot of them are Really Old now... wonder who else has dropped dead that I have no idea about?
It's not like I don't care about some of them, or wish I could be in touch... but.... in TEN YEARS since dad died - WHO amongst them has ever reached out to me? His only child. The only one who lived far away from the family. The only one with no other relatives to speak of.
Only Aunt Shirley, bless her. That was years ago now, but, it was something at least.
If dad knew how they Really were, he'd turn over in his grave.
But I know, and that's enough.

Elyse seems to have dropped off the face of the earth though. We haven't talked in like 2 months. She gets so busy with her life.... and she doesn't do email, which makes it tougher. Can't even drop her a line. But, some people, you just have to take them as they are, whether you 10o% like it or not. I don't like being judged, so it's not for me to judge her life choices. Lord knows I have before... a very Major life choice, but... what's done is done.

My life is awfully limited these days though. Without much people interaction that is. So, will I be able to still find things to write about? A daily blather seems ok. I mean, it's still ME.
Though, I did call ProActiv today and order some stuff. The people there are SO NICE on the phone. It's a pleasant surprise. Usually you get surly sorts, or those who want to rush you off the line. But those ProActiv folks - couldn't be nicer.

Have been enjoying my hour+ long soaks in the tub lately. I usually take them when I just Really need to Feel like I'm relaxing and unwinding... which includes when I've gotten overheated and frazzled, like today. Having to go out in the Hot Bright Sun when I have a migraine, and drive.. that's enough for me. Got home, filled the tub, and just Soaked for a spell. Called the proactiv folks tubside. :) Enjoyed a nice glass of my ginger peach iced tea. mmmm

Wish I could spend more time with my baby though.
Wish he/we could figure out a way for him to work from home.
HOLY CRAP.
WE missed our Anniversary yesterday!!!!!!!
Sept. 13 - 8 years!!!!!

HONEY!!!

:(

How could we do that???????!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Dammit.

'course, we have THREE anniversaries. Jan. 6 - we met online.
A year later Jan 6 - we got engaged.
Sept. 13 - met in person, and started living together.
June 5 - got married.

Geez. that's a bummer. Well, I'll just have to remind him tomorrow, and he'll just have to bring me home sumpthin purty to make up for it. :)