Oh Bosh

It's been so long since I blogged.... where on earth do i begin to catch up???

On one hand, I know there's tons to say, and I wish I had stayed with my original goal of a once a day posting, but on the other hand, I've just been in such a blah state of late, I'd rather just watch Tivo, read other blogs, read the millions of things stacked up next to my bed, play with the dogs, etc...

Maybe I put too much expectation, that every post has to be long and complete and utterly fascinating. And stop fretting over no one leaving a comment. I love seeing that folks from all over the world stop by, even for a nanosecond. I guess that's enough.

So, Fi was here last week. We had the BESTEST visit ever. Well, not long enough, but I got to reconnect with my sisterfriend.

...........................

Ok.. started this post on Oct. 3 and never finished. (i don't get blogger - it's still going to show the date posting this as 10/3.. it's actually 10/15 today. whatever)
Oy.
I think I got too overwhelmed by all the (whoohoo) stuff that happens in my oh so thrilling life I didn't know where to begin to catch up.

So, lemme just say - it's been raining for a whole entire straight week. It's kinda weird. Almost biblical. It's supposed to stop today. That cold front can't move in quickly enough for me - I woke up this morning WARM - Ugh. Being too warm in bed is on my top 5 list of pet peeves.

It's been lovely the last two days of not having to go Anywhere... got a week plus off from walking Casey. I miss him of course, but I do love my whole stay at home days.

Oh... something else that may have affected by mood lately is mom and I had a whole 'nother blowup thingy. She called to tell me Mr. French had a heart attack, and then went into a story about another neighbor, and she didn't like what I said - as usual - and wanted to hang up on me! Just because I didn't agree with her 100% and didn't go along with the script in her head. UGH. Then she pulled another infamous trick - "I'm boring you aren't I", No mom, I'm just tired. Plus this conversation is draining me. "What do you mean" It's just upsetting to realize some things will never change "Then I guess you won't miss me when I'm gone"
ARGH

She really and truly drives me crazy sometimes. As in - I would Think I'm crazy if I didn't know for sure I'm not, and didn't have M here to listen to me, and at least my end of most conversations, to reassure me I AM sane.
I can sorta go along with a theory on reincarnation that you choose your parents before you're born, to help you learn the lessons you need to in this lifetime, but... Honest to god. Sometimes I don't get why I chose my Particular parents.... I mean... I'll be sorting out why I had my father for the rest of my life.
Mom told me more things about him yesterday that just makes me wanna go rattle his 10 yr old grave and give him what for!!! What a Prick! As far as men go, he really was just scum - the kind of man I'd stay 10000000 miles away from. Thank Dog that M is the total opposite of him. That's why I married him of course. :)
The only thing I've been sad about in that area is that M has in common with dad a "handy" aspect... he does so much around the house and yard for us... He doesn't need help or training, but, since construction etc was dad's profession, there have been times when I thought, gee, woulda been sorta nice to have dad here to help us with this. And he woulda loved doing it.

My whole life, 3 things were most important to him - my weight, my salvation and my relationship, or lack thereof. I found M 2 years after dad died. I dunno...
it's just weird to work out crap with your parents after they're dead. It sucks because I REALLY want to yell at him, and hold him accountable for sooooo many crappy things he did... to me, to mom, to other people...
It'll be a lifelong struggle to continuously consciously let it go.

On a more positive note - recently reconnected with a groovy gal here in RI that I met thru a newsgroup before we moved here.... hoping to go down to her neck of the woods and visit sometime soon. Would be great to have an actual friend here finally.
It's just so difficult, it seems, to make new friends as an adult.

Lady is still working out fabulously. I'm so glad she's part of our family now. She just couldn't get along with everyone any better. Yesterday, Trixie even licked her back after she came back in from the rain! awwwww I don't know if she knew she was licking Lady's back, or if it was just so familiar to her, since Lady is so much like Max, and has his same hair and coloring. If she's able to recognize that fact, and make that connection, it must be a little confusing to her.
awww Mister. We still miss you so much. We miss your personality, your smiles, your hugs, all your cute little quirks and habits.. well, can't say we miss the farting, but... we have Fartgirl here to help out with that - it's almost like you're still here in a way. ; )
love you forever, Maximillion. You'll always be the first man I truly loved.