So, yeah......

I'm so unfocused right now.
Part of why I haven't been blogging. Don't know where to start, what to talk about...
much like my messy messy messy messy cluttered house. It's so messy and cluttered I can't think or see straight. I need to Seriously declutter and get my shit straight... but, Ohhhh the effort. And like, Every room needs stuff done to it!
Not to mention actually Cleaning shit!!!
Oy.

So, watched Hotel Rwanda last night. Took us forever to finally put it in the dang ole dvd player. Once in, I wanted to take it out. So hard to watch. Glad we did though.... decent happy ending in a gruesome tale.
Today I'm gonna watch my James Spader movie I've had forever and a Stewie Griffin special, and then in the mail they go so we can get new fun from Netflix!

It just feels like sometimes there's So much to do.. so much I'm behind on, so much that I FORGET I have to do, but know it's Something, lurking, waiting.... it just makes me positively inactive. Total inertia.
Which is odd.... in my jobs as a nanny or household manager or housesitter or whatever - I'm SO good at organizing and tidying up other people's shit. Excellent at it. And I feel a great sense of accomplishment when I do.
Like last week - I cleaned up Laura's dresser.
This entailed taking everything off, rearranging, even all her little jewelry boxes.. took ALL her jewelry out and put it on the bed, catagorized it, condensed it... and it made me feel SO good!
But when it comes to MY shit - WTF is wrong with me?????

I now have a lot of "free time", but where the fuck does it go???? How is it now that I have just ONE dog walking job to alllll day - granted, with travel, it takes about 2 hours, but, most days, I can just Barely manage to accomplish that! Like, seriously - nothing else gets done!

Part of the problem may be what's going on right now. My sleep schedule is erratic.
Went to bed on the late side - 1:00ish... woke at 6:00ish... now it's almost 8:00ish... I feel like once I finish here, and maybe surf a couple more blogs, I'll go back to sleep.. probably til noon or so, if I'm lucky... but then, that's more than half the daylight hours today... and I May, in two shifts, get a full night's sleep out of it. But then I'll lay here, watch tv, try to read, make us "breakfast"... maybe take a bath.... then it'll be dark! And my inclination to crawl back in bed and snuggle up for the night will kick in, and I'll have gotten NOTHING DONE!
We'll see how it goes, but I"m not predicting a good successful productive day.
Dammit.
Something else is going on here... maybe if I 'blog'/journal long enouogh, it will reveal itself to me.
I feel it lurking under the surface....
alas.... i Am feeling sleepy now.. so, gonna go noodle on it for a bit and see what I come up with.
Maybe my dreams will reveal all.
Or, if I"m lucky, James Spader will visit me and we'll make fantastic naughty love and I'll wake up in a great mood and ready to roll! ;)

Michael Hutchence :(

Watched the "Rock Star" show all summer... rooted for JD from the very beginning with his rendition of 'California Dreamin' (previously stated on this blog)....
in anticipation of their new album and the concert we're gonna go see in February, we've rented an INXS dvd from Netflix - Live Baby Live.
Actually, I wanted to see this after programming them into my Tivo and seeing a block of performances from them over the years with Michael.
WOW - what a performer he was.
I always did like him - thought he was totally hot, especially with longer hair... but I took for granted what an awesome and powerful singer he was, and a MAGNETIC performer. He owns the stage, the crowd, the music.... he's one with it.
Decided I wanted to see more of him, as I just have vague memories of the videos on MTV.

It just makes me so sad to watch though.
Had a similar sensation this afternoon - "Superfreak" by Rick James came on the radio, and I was like, Cool - and turned it up... realizing moments later - ohhhh, Rick's dead. :(
Still enjoy the song of course, but it takes away from it....

I'm sad to think he (Michael) had so many demons that he took a lot of drugs and got lost in himself, and ended up taking a life that should have gone on many many more years.
Watching him sing "Need you tonight" at the moment.... magnetic, mesmerizing, sexy as hell, funny, feminine yet totally all man....
Life is so unfair. Someone like him goes too soon, and there's still all these FUCKERS out there walking around, enjoying freedom and life and possibilities.

No clue about his daughter - Heavenly Hirani Tigerlily - but I hope she ends up ok. Both her parents gone.... at least she has all this video to watch and see a part of who her dad was.
I have a few small videos of my dad... helps me remember who he was, what he was like....

Looking forward to seeing the gorgeous JD. Absolutely think they chose the right one... if anyone can come close to inhabiting the space like Michael did, it's him. He just has to be himself and let the music flow over him and be one with it.
Plus.. I saw the group on the View the other day. What struck me is the other guys in the band look Happy, and enjoying themselves. Getting to know them a bit thru the tv show, they all seem really nice and I wish them great success with this new chapter.