Being Thankful
 So, it's what they call Turkey Day in these here parts. And this morning we've gotten our first snow of the year. Still coming down I reckon. Don't know cause I'm still all tucked in bed with 3 sleeping dogs surrounding me and a tryingtosleepmore spouse, curtains closed. We got all the trimmings to make ourselves a nice feast today. Going to try my hand at making a pumpkin pie even. Though, thanks to last minute shopping, they were out of pumpkin pie spice, so that should be interesting. Thought I'd start a new tradition for myself and list all the things I can think of that I'm thankful for today. Since I don't want to 'celebrate' what my English ancestors did to the Native Americans 4 score and many more years ago, will suffice to count my blessings as the holiday season progresses and I look forward to a new exciting year of life. I'm grateful for: - my sweetie. 8+ years together, 6 1/2 married, haven't for a moment doubted that I picked the right one. He was so worth waiting for. My darling Kate despairs, at the age of 15, of all the jerky idiot boys she has to put up with in high school right now. I tell her - be selective, picky,and patient. I was 33 when I got married and I don't regret a single day of my single life before. It happens when it's meant to - IF you really *listen* to the Universe. - my babies. Lucy, Trixie, Lady, Chia and Bella. And my beloved Fartman, Max. Ohhhhh I still miss him so. Thought of him the other day when it thundered for a minute - instinctually wondered if he heard it and that I should get home to him pronto. Til I remembered he wasn't there anymore. :( - all the other furbabies I know and love. Thumbelina, Thaddeus, Casey, Shelby, all my zogs that I walked last year - I miss them.... Luke, Kelsey, Jake, Sammi, Samantha, Jack, Tucker, Chamois, Madison, the Greyhounds and their Staffordshire brother. Mom's zogs, Choo Choo and Charlotte. Gemini - RIP. Elyse's Shelby and Katie. And every other furbaby I've ever met, and those I haven't. And all the others who have let me love them, may they rest in peace - Heidi, Pepi, Heidi, Babi, Gretchen, Sunny, Ruby, Sam, Lady, Jesse, Sophie, Oliver, Kippy, Angel, Abby, Gus............................................................................................................................................................... - My darling Kate - and of course Chris Geoff and Laura. The family I never had.... I'll know and love this one forever. - my momma. And the fact that she TRULY has done a 180 with herself. Talked to her last night, and she listed allll the foods she's making today, all the nifty kitchen gadgets she's wanting now that she's cooking again. We have more *good* talks than not nowadays. She actually seems sorta Happy! I never thought I'd see the day. The hope I'd had for her I'd actually lost, just before she found it herself. Seeing that - I know that ANYTHING in life is possible, if you set your mind to it. - my beautiful yellow house. My *home*. I love it. I loved it the first day we saw it, and we truly have made it a Home. We'll probably always have a project list, of little things to tinker with and fine tune, but, if we're gonna live in Rhode Island, this is the place for me. I love the bathtub, the fireplace, the all enclosed fence we put up, the garden we put in this year, all the walls I've painted, all the fab projects sweetie has done including our fab kitchen, and our new fab neighbors - oh, and their Bandit!! I forgot that sweet lil Jack Russell! *smoosh* - my good good friends. Elyse, Katia, Sabrina.... Michele and Darla....Sunny...Scott...Don.... - Kate's little girlfriends - I love those girls. Bianca, Belle, Ashley, Rachel.... and all the others. - ebay. :) - my college degrees. - getting to Go to college - twice. Completely different experiences - wouldn't trade a day. Well, maybe a few, but.... - the beautiful house I lived in in Nashville for 6 years. What a life. - all my travels. Driving from Indiana to California and back twice. 3 of those legs completely by myself. Life changing. - getting married in Kauai on the beach. Only regret no one was present for *me*. - our planned 10th anniv. trip back to Kauai. Am hoping a few people come along for the ride this time. - Oprah. - Madonna... Julia Roberts.... and all other entertainers I admire and actually respect. - Tivo. :) - Netflix. - my magazines and books. Yes, my cup currently runneth over, but, I Love that I love to read. - chick blogs. Love reading them. Love those gals and how they tell their truth. - my families - though I currently don't talk to any of them. The Harpers - what a shame. The Vances - shame on you. Dolores and Steven - well, I miss my brother. Mom's family - your loss. - my dad. Even though he was a lying cheating hypocritical bastard, he was my daddy. He loved me the best he could I suppose, and I'll always miss him. Esp. with so many things left unsaid and unresolved. - Living in San Francisco for 2 years. - learning to appreciate living in Rhode Island, even though it's taken me 6 years to do so. - beaches. - flowers. - music. - people who forgive me. Who love me sometimes in spite of myself. - learning to let go of people who aren't positive influences. - standing up for myself, regardless of the consequence. - my Vue. :) - the fact that, right now, more or less, I have a perfectly working, functioning body. - that Katia came to visit me recently. What a wonderful experience. - my ability to take a couple trips next year - to visit Sabrina in Alabama, to have mom come visit me here for a while, maybe to visit Sunny in Boulder.... - the child spirit who hovers above me, waiting for me to decide it's time for her to be born. - the fact that George Bush has less than 3 years left in office. God help us. - Air America radio (even though Providence recently DROPPED it!!), and all other outlets like it. - The Bold and the Beautiful. :) The one remaining soap I still watch, and now have sweetie watching with me. - all my other fave tv shows. I Love tv, ok???? It doesn't mean Anything other than that! I look forward to watching them and miss them when they go. - my two second level parents - my mother in law and my step dad. They're good people and I appreciate that they love me. - air conditioning. - Starbucks and Whole Foods. - seeing the mailman come up my street. well, that's a good start. I may come back to this and add to later on. Things aren't perfect, I mess up, but, I'm grateful for what I've got, the person I've chosen to be, and those who have helped and supported me in the past, and who love me now. Oh, two more: - having hope that Bush won't completely fuck Everything up before he's outta there, and I can be Proud of the U.S. again, and - all my blog friends. Small group that it is - the ones whom I visit and the ones who visit me - EVEN THOUGH NONE OF THEM LEAVE ME COMMENTS!!!!!! (i check my site meter people.. I Know where you are! Can't ya just give me a small holler every now and then?? Please????) ;) Cheers, people. Find things, little and big, in your own life to be grateful for. Not just today - but every day you draw breath and see the open sky above you.
Sports Injuries
 See me here? I am holding a golf club. Note the smile? This is before I've actually used it. I'm just happy cause it's Pink! My sweetie wants me to play with him next year... he has a regular crew most weekends now - work buddies - but he says he'd Still like me to play with him! Go figure! I thought he'd WANT the boy-playtime-awayfromtheballandchain! ;) So, anyhoo, he bought me this nifty girl set from Target and we went to the driving range Sunday to break these in and see if I can actually HIT the ball. Well, turns out I can... I did somewhat ok. There were at least a few balls that actually went out, up and straight. I have NO idea how that happened, but it was a nice occasional mistake. ;) I finally got fatigued after hitting about, oh, 438 balls, and let sweetie hit the rest of mine. The next day, had a bit of tenderness in my upper abs and forearm. To be expected. Nothing to prevent me from doing Taebo - felt great. Tuesday, noticed a 'catch' in my back on the right side. Hmm. Wednesday - well, a little stiff in the back still, but, Taebo calls! At the 26 minute mark (a new record), took a water and catching my breath break... then decided it was a potty break... I was already coming down from the workout high enough to think, eh, do I Really want to finish the workout? Well, I planned to, until I found myself Very Nearly unable to get up off the toilet! As in, Can't Stand! As in, I'm all hunched over with that spot in my back Torturing me with pain like I've never felt, having me panting for breath, and making like a contortionist to figure out How exactly to get upright again without just falling over and writhing in pain like the lady on tv who fell and couldn't get up! OMG. Clearly, the workout was over for the day. Hopped in the shower - minute by minute it just got worse and worse. Couldn't even properly bend over to wash my calves with the scrubbie! Had to LIFT my knee while holding onto the wall to even come close. And flipping my hair over to rinse it like I usually do? Hah! This is getting serious now. Minutes ago, I was punching and kicking like a warrior. Now I can barely move. Hmmm. Still had to go walk Casey... was interesting trying to hold him on the leash and bend over to pick up the poo. Didn't fall though. Finished my walk with him....gave lots of love to him and Mittens. I love him so much. What a muffin. I'm thinking I may quit doing it though. His dad, Richard, is a bit of an ass. Always accusing me of doing things, like losing the leash, letting the cat out, not locking the door, or, in the case of Tuesday night when he called me at home - accusing of Locking the door, so the plumber couldn't get in that afternoon. Wow - the NERVE of me! Making sure the door was secure on a million dollar house on the water, filled with expensive crap AND his two pets. Yeah, I'm a real idiot Richard! Thanks A) for letting me KNOW thru my mindreading capabilities that you wanted the door left open and B) calling me in a huff and ruining my evening. With winter coming, and it taking me about 2 hours to do this every day, for 20 bucks - nice as it is to have that tiny bit of extra cash (when he remembers to pay me), I think I'm going to have to bid adieu soon. Anyhoo... as the day progressed, I got worse and worse. 5 advil and a migraine pill later - not much better. We had to go to the store to get Tday dinner fixins last night - could barely get out of the car. Fast forward... took a Valium from the stash mom gave me long ago, cranked up the heating pad to high - slept somewhat decently. I think I may be able to move like the almost 40 yr old I am, instead of the 80+ yr old I was yesterday. Will I be up for Taebo tomorrow morning? The jury is out. I will not be deterred though! I have my semi-monthly weigh in and measuring to do on Monday! I suppose it's good to find out NOW that I'm in way worse shape than I thought, so I can Taebo my ass off all winter and have a modicum of a chance of being able to actually play a round of golf next summer.
I *heart* Madonna
 THIS is what is going to keep me on track with my Taebo. And yoga. And running. Whatever else I might do to be fit and healthy. To look like this at 46 (when this photo was taken) would be incredible. It may take me that long to get anywhere close to where she is, but, it's a journey worth taking on I think. I've always admired her workout ethic. She looked fine to me before she started all this, but, seeing her perform at the Europe MTV awards in nothing but a little leotard and knee high boots - GAW. Not a thing jiggled and her ass looked Fantastic! ;) I feel good about getting up early today and getting my workout done. It's not even 10:00 and I'm already showered and about to have my Kashi. I've also learned the value of 'eating to live' and feeling healthy and clean as a result. Sure, I give in to my poptarts cravings at times, or M. makes a Dunkin Donut run on the weekends, but, I know to get back on my game, I have to eat what is best for my body and mental well-being at times. I don't know if or when I'll ever make the jump to being a vegan, which philosophically I'd like to do. I support PETA in their efforts and really don't think 'meat' is necessary to sustain us. There are a zillion other things to eat that are much better. But shit, it does taste good at times. And sugar?? Well, I have given it up before.. went thru an actual Withdrawal that was scary, but.... I just really REALLY like certain things, and don't want to stop having them forever. Like, M and I have talked many times about giving up Coke. We've done it before... having just more water, or making iced tea, or cranberry juice or whatever. But, I realized last weekend after slaving away in the yard all day and pouring a glass of icy cold coke, that it was TOO fucking good to just never have again. It quenches like water can't do at times. So... what finally just makes sense is Moderation. What you always hear, but seems to take a while to actually sink into consciousness... have what you want, do what you want, but, aim for at least half the time making better choices. Good begets good. Sloth begets sloth. So, today I made it to 20 minutes before needing a water break. Then at 24 minutes. Then at 26 minutes. But then I made it thru the rest of the (44 min) tape. It's always worth getting thru it all to the Taebo cooldown. Getting that 'rush' as you start to come down from working so hard feels good. And now showered, I feel.. spent. And yet oddly somewhat energized. :) So - productive day ahead... Finish Fearless Living homework. Go walk Casey. Go to Home Depot and get a bit more mulch for the yard, and caulk for the tub... hmmm... something from Target.... well, want to get an electric blanket. And I wanna stop in Cohoes. It's right nearby and I've never been in, but Kate tells me it's Fab. Designer stuff at discount. If they have plus size stuff, they'll have me - cause Target just has NOT been cutting it lately with their TEENYTINYFUCKINGSMALL plus size section - which is all Smushed into the fucking Maternity section!!! Pisses me off royally. I've been getting some nice stuff at Old Navy. But shit. I'm tired of these slim pickin's. Can't wait to start getting into the "regular" sizes. Though, hells bells, some designers consider a SIZE 12 to be plus size these days!! I'd LOVE to be a 12!! Ultimately, I DO want to be at least a 6. I don't see anything wrong with that goal, esp. if a lot of it is muscle. Would be nice to experience size 4, but, hey, I'm trying to be reasonable here. :) Oh... and when I get home - time to tackle those DUSTBUNNIES!! Ugh I can't take it anymore!!!
randomness and hard work
 So, it feels like I haven't done much lately, and DEFINITELY have been sleeping a lot more recently... don't know what's up with that, except maybe my hormones are whacked out or something. But, truth is, I Have done a lot, out in the yard. Somehow though, these projects we do end up taking the whole live long day, so I get nothing Else done. We're almost done though. Just a few more things to cross off our to-do list for the season. The nice payoff is our yard looks SO pretty now. I'll post a pic I took today of some of it. I'm definitely behind in my reading though, and have been for some time. I can't Wait til I am really on top of everything else so I can freely and without guilt sit and just Read whatever, for however long I want. Hard to relax and just do that though when I have other things I KNOW should be done first. Saw this on the Daily Meme site, and thought I'd play: week of Nov13.2005: This or That This or Thatjust tell me which you prefer1. Coke or Pepsi - I don't care, can't tell the difference. Though M. insists he likes coke better. However, whenever I order a cola, I call it 'coke' regardless. 2. Summer or Winter - neither. Both are too extreme for me, though I'll take winter if pressed. Prefer the more moderate fall. I like spring, but spring means summer is coming. I didn't used to hate summer, but either "I" am different and react to it differently, or the weather is just Really more fucked up now than when I was a kid, but the HUMIDITY of the summers lately are just KILLING ME. I barely went outside all of August, and little of September. UGH. 3. The beach or a pool - being a Pisces, I'll take either. :) Before Katrina I woulda automatically said beach. But now the ocean kinda scares me - you never know when that fucker is gonna flare up and just do you in. I still love the idea of it though. And the plan to *ultimately* have a house on the beach is forever gone - who wants to risk it??? I'll settle for a nice calm lake somewhere Really high up! Haven't been in a pool in forever. Too fat to get my big butt in a swimsuit. Once I lick that problem, you'll have to Drag me out of a pool! 4. Early morning or late at night - easy - late night. I have, at times, appreciated the early morning, but, eh, it just doesn't rattle my cage. I think you're born one way or the other - no way to really change it. However, having said that, I AM having M. wake me up in the morning so I can start doing my Taebo RIGHTFUCKINGAWAY and get it done and over with, so I will stop postponing it all morning and then ultimately not doing it at all. I am a total sloth, but do actually like a little order in my life. If I gotta kick my own butt to start doing it, then so be it. 5. DVD or VHS - who still likes VHS?????? For that matter, why go DVD when you can use Tivo??? Although, we do belong to Netflix, so def. DVD for that. Though, need to stop putting movies on my queue that I really don't have a hinkering to actually sit and watch. Like Hotel Rwanda. I KNOW it's a good movie and everyone raves - much like Crash. But, I know it's depressing subject matter where I'll be tense on the edge of my seat in an uncomfortable way, esp. since it's True.... I keep forgetting about my James Spader movie I also got. :) That'll be my reward tomorrow for getting my Taebo done AND my Fearless Living homework done. Damn. At this rate, am only gonna get 6 hours sleep. Shit. 'Course, I DID sleep til 1:00 today. shhhhhh I was up early for a bit.. had some poptarts and watched some tivo, then back to snoozeville. ahhhhh.... am i Really expected to do anything else when it's Sunday and M is out playing GOLF at the ungodly hour of 7:00????? Oh - and a little plug - I got Ted Allen's new cookbook (Queer Eye for the Straight Guy foodie dude), and have made two things. His mashed potatoes are Way better than mine were. The fried chicken - I need to adjust a few things, like getting a cast iron skillet, but it ultimately turned out Really good. Having those two together filled me up in a quick Hurry (along with steamed carrots.. though, next time we do carrots, I saw a yummy new recipe for roasted carrots in my new Google Recipe of the Day on the homepage.) And - even better - I had a question for Ted about the chicken and he replied to me less than 12 hours later!!! What a groovy dude! Ok, time for some shut eye. Whattya think of our yard?? I"ll take better pics in the spring, when the forsythia is blooming yellow and we plant some colorful annuals and such, but this is a taste.... (the tree in the back yard is SO magnificent. i'll have to take a better pic to do it justice. it towers over our two story house. i love it. need to get tree guy out here to give us an estimate to trim and secure it - who knows when the last time was it was tended to - but, i'm so glad it's in Our yard. as you can see, we pretty much planned the design of the yard around it... the path leads to it, with benches in front of it, etc etc. it's very serene and damn close to what we intended when we started out. some tweaking next spring and we're all set.)
Changing
So... just feel like streaming my consciousness... Was up late last night tidying up my nightstand area. I have GOT to get the magazine thing under control, but having shelves of them right here was making me claustrophobic and the mess was just increasing by the day. So, moved them into the blue room, and set up my actual Nightstand, complete with a silver tray which holds my water bottle, a lovely stone that holds a few pairs of earrings, one of our wedding pictures, a little buddha incense holder which actually holds little stones and rocks from the beach, and my lip stuff. Next to that my laptop can sit, so I don't give myself carpal tunnel each time I put it down and lift it up one handed. On the little bookshelf next to it in the corner is another beautiful silver tray (love getting them at thrift stores and second hand stores, deeply discounted because of a "flaw" - what do I care about flaws?? still lovely to me). On this tray is a cannister filled with dried lavender flowers, a lamp I got out of someone's trash and put a new lampshade on it, a picture of Max, a little silver heart thingy that holds the hair they shaved off him arm to give him 'the shot'. :( It was an afterthought before we left him that day at the vet... it was just laying there, and I've thought for years how much I love his beautiful fur, the look and feel of it... so, I took a little piece of him with him. I still miss him so much. My big beautiful man. It was 3 months on Friday. I told Michael that the 3 months we've been without him feels like so much longer than the 13 years I had him. I'd give anything if he hadn't gotten sick this spring and was still here enjoying life with us. My heart still hurts. Also a candle which I fully intend to light from time to time, a little hinged marble box that holds more earrings, and a little thermometer thingy I've had since I was a girl. Also, on the wall, above my nightstand is Max's collar and tags. I like it there. Sometimes I rattle the tags just to hear 'his sound'. Lucy and Trixie always look up when they hear it....I know they still miss him too. I feel so bad for little Schmoop. I don't know if she *knows* what happened to him.... why he's never come back home. I feel like she feels adrift. She is close to Lucy now, and has for some time, so I'm thankful for that. But.... the hub of our wheel is forever gone, and while we've learned how to continue on without him, the journey just isn't the same. On a more superficial unimportant level - I'm REALLY annoyed with the plumber that came on Friday to "fix" the tub. Ok, maybe he fixed Something - I'm told he did anyway. But - BUT!!! - the new water level thingy that replaced the old water spout - well!!!! Turns out the new model has a overflow space where water Flows thru if the level gets up there. Guess where that is on the tub?? Not even Halfway!! WHAT is the point of having a nice deep tub if "regulations" make it drain less than halfway full???? Luckily, I know just how to solve this tricky wicket - Caulk is my friend!! :) Ain't nobody gonna mess with My bathtime! I like my bathwater Hot, Bubbly and Filled to the Rim thank you very much!! Something to drink, maybe a little snack, a facial mask, plenty to read, candles.... when I do it up right, I can be there for hours. ahhhhh...... Anyhooo... it's now the next day since I started this post. Was gonna talk about other things changing - like my new exercise routine, and the Fearless Living stuff I'm doing, but... I sorta have a headache now and need to reboot the laptop on top of it. So, more later.
TAEBOTAEBOTAEBO
 <<<<< the culprit!!doesn't she just Look like she's full of piss and vinegar?? well... in this case, you Can judge the book by its cover. ;)Whoooooooooooo Just wanted to post that I am keeping my promise to myself... I am so ON the Taebo train! I've done it the last 4 weekdays. Did it Friday to start with... gave myself the weekend to see if I'd be sore... Nope. So, Monday - did a new tape. Believe it was the Live Basic - didn't like it. Yesterday did the Cardio tape - Really good workout. 44 minutes. All cardio, except for the cooldown. Which I forgot how much I love, after getting totally spent from the workout. His cooldown almost brings you to a 'high'. Last night - was Exhausted. Felt fatigued all over - mind and body. Woke up this morning - finally felt sore - my back seems to be taking the brunt of it. But - I shall persevere!! Took 3 ibuprofen and donned my gear... started to do a new tape, but, I'm running late because I spent too much time surfing when I first woke up. Speaking of which - I slept the sleep of the dead! Had to wake myself up at 9:30 finally... was having a BAD dream about my friend Lisa. Not enjoyable at all. Then I remembered I wanted to order "doggy steps" from a commercial I'd seen... however, the website looked Really sketchy, so I called to cancel the order. It BETTER damn well BE cancelled to!! Can't trust some of those fuckers. So, then all of a sudden it's freaking 11:00 - and I have an appt. at 2:00 which means I need to leave the house by noon to walk Casey to be back in time... DAMN! Not my plan to skip today, so went ahead and put on yesterday's tape - figured I could run out of the house with wet hair if need be... First sign of improvement - I went past the time yesterday where I needed to take a "Break". That was 17 minutes. Also took one at 35 minutes. So, yea for me! :) However... at the 24 minute mark, was feeling wiped, and decided to cut it short today so I can have time to cool off before my shower. So, that's STILL a good solid almost half hour of cardio!! I'm proud of myself. Tomorrow, will be sure to allow plenty of time - have an appt at 3:00 for oil change. So, being disciplined with my time is definitely part of this new *me*, and exactly what I need. I've slacked enough this summer. And I have big plans next year, and I want to FEEL and LOOK Awesome for it. :) Friday my baby is staying home from work so we can work in the yard. I plan to still do my tape Friday, and give myself the weekend off. Though, have BIG housecleaning plans for Saturday while he's out playing golf. Can't take any more dust bunnies rolling around!! My appt today is with my "Life Coach"... I'm doing a client-study thing with the Fearless Living program. My friend Sunny is in it, and it sounded interesting when she talked to me about it a couple weeks ago, so, I'm giving it a go. 12 week commitment. Not sure what I'm going to get out of it yet, but, I'm willing to see what happens. ...................................stupid cat!! Chia just Totally walked across my keyboard and turned the whole damn computer off!!! thank DOG i realized what was happening in time to save a draft of this!! Oh, i was about to give some websites... Sunny's is: www.overcomingyou.comand the fearless living is www.fearlessliving.orgRhonda Britten, who runs the whole she-bang, actually has a show called Starting Over. I finally watched a couple episodes last week. Interesting. I think that website is, easily enough - www.startingovertv.comso.... now i'm showered, and cooling off for a moment from that, then out the door I go. You never know how traffic will be on stupid 95. Some days, it's a breeze, which is fucking Should be. Other days - it's backed up clear to my exit, and it's a fucking CRAWL all the way. GRRRRR. Ironic thing is - Casey's house is practically Directly across from mine, Across the Bay - but I have to go UP to freaking Providence and then back Down again because there's only ONE way to get over there - and it Ain't across the water!! Anyway. It's a good day. :) My zogs are all sleeping away, and it's a gorgeous sunny warmish day out. Ciao for now readers of which there are mighty mighty few! If any!! Whatever. I'm doing this just because anyhow. :)
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